


Without you, I feel broke

by Janna1996



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Happy Ending, Infidelity, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Not really though, Post-Time Skip, Pre-Time Skip, Public Blow Jobs, almost, and Briana, and Danielle, depends on your point of view, harry and louis don't end up together, harry is dating a medical student, heart ache, mentions of baby Freddie, not graphic though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6485569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janna1996/pseuds/Janna1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry broke up with Louis years ago, and now he's dating someone else. what he didn't know was how hard it is to fall out of love with Louis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without you, I feel broke

**Author's Note:**

> Finally. I know it's not much, but it's something I've been wanting to write for quite some time. It's the first thing I've ever written, apart from the short stories in middle school, and English is not my first Language, so bear with me. Please leave your comments and thoughts. I'm so nervous about what the world will think of this.

He turned-on the lights when he entered the tiny apartment. From the looks of it, Caleb wasn’t home yet. He put his keys on the table besides the door and took off his shoes. The place was a little stuffy, so he opened the windows, letting the sun enter and make the place a little bit more alive. Evidence of Caleb’s approaching exams was clear. Medical books everywhere. Notes and colorful highlighters scattered on the coffee table. Decorative pillows thrown around the table from last night’s late, late study session. Caleb’s mug was still half filled with cold coffee. Harry sighed and left the mess as it is, only putting the pillows on the couch and taking the mug to the kitchen. He knew not to touch Caleb’s books anyways; he was very particular about those things.

He went to the bedroom to change out of his jeans. What he hadn’t expected to see was Caleb lying face down on the sheets, his shoes and coat still on. He smiled fondly and went to remove them for him. When he removed the second shoe, Caleb opened half an eye “Babe?” Harry smiled at him and said softly “hey, was just removing your shoes. You can go back to sleep”. Caleb turned to his side and groaned “wasn’t planning on sleeping, I have so much to do” “yeah? Not finished yet?”. He was now facing Caleb on the bed, who just moved closer and cuddled into Harry’s side, Harry wrapping his arms around him. “Yeah, still have a little bit to go”.

Harry knew what “little bit” meant. Dating a medical student meant that he was always studying, always having something to do. And don’t get Harry wrong, he was a very busy international pop star who worked his ass off himself, but sometimes seeing Caleb this exhausted from working so much got to him. 

They met three years ago. When Harry was nineteen and Caleb was a senior in collage, and started dating almost four months after they were in the same shady hipster-y bar in the Bay Area. Their first encounter wasn’t anything to gush over. It wasn’t a cute story about how they knew from the moment they saw each other that they wanted to be together. Or how one of them spilled his drink all over the other. It was the complete opposite actually. Harry almost went to Caleb and his friends and told them that it was a quite bar in the middle of the week, and that they needed to tone it down a little. But he didn’t do that, and just kept glaring at them from time to time, and the next thing he knew, they were in the dirty toilet stall, with Caleb on his knees, mouth stuffed full of Harry’s dick. 

From there they fell into an easy rhythm. They would meet a few times each week, not so much as dates, but also not not-dates. Harry never told him that the reason he was in that bar when they first met was because he had an ugly breakup fight with Louis. Harry never told him that their first meaningless hookup was meant to stay just that way, a meaningless hookup. And Harry never told him that when he first said “I love you, Caleb”, the night Caleb got into med school, all he could think of was “God! I wish you were Louis”. And the truth is, Caleb doesn’t need to know any of that. Harry had it pretty good with him, and those tiny, inconvenient details were just that, tiny and inconvenient.  
*  
If anyone asked Harry, he would say he remembers the night of the breakup vividly. He doesn’t even know if their fight was worth it or not. Something about Harry not being able to take it with the hiding and constant PR stunts anymore. Him wanting a little bit more freedom, more space to breath. Not that he had much now with Caleb, but it was better. He wasn’t covering his every move. He wasn’t watching his steps on the stage. 

Harry got to the present by Caleb poking at his bicep “you still with me, babe?” Harry smiled softly “Yeah, just got lost of how pretty your eyes are”. Caleb snorted and said while untangling himself from Harry and standing up “yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody knows how pretty my perfect hazel eyes are, but that’s not where you went”. “you don’t believe me?” Harry said, exacerbated “come and touch my dick for yourself. You’ll see, it’s very fond of you and your hazel eyes”. Caleb groaned, he really had so much to do, but the implication of Harry lying on bed with a hard dick wasn’t something he could let go of easily. He sat back down on the bed next to Harry again, lightly tracing the outline of Harry’s bulge with his index. “That for me, baby?” he whispered. “All for you.” Harry’s grin was mischievous as Caleb started mouthing at his neck, his dick stating to perk up as well. Harry got absorbed in the moment. And that night, when Caleb was buried deep inside of him, he thread his fingers through Caleb’s blond locks, and he tried to convince himself is that it’s all he wants from life. Being here, in this bed, with the person he loves. Not with Louis, or Louis’ baby that he’s yet to meet, or Louis’ baby mama, which he most definitely doesn’t want to meat. Here, in this bed, with the person he really and truly loves, is where he belongs.

*  
Caleb wasn’t an idiot. He knew that Harry broke up with his ex not because said ex was a jerk, or a mass murderer. He didn’t break up with him because they fell out of love. They broke up because they had different views of what they wanted out of their present (now past) situation. He knew that when they first started dating, Harry wasn’t totally over his ex. But he also knew that he was ready, so ready for a fresh start. He also knows that he is completely and utterly in love with Harry Styles and some insignificant detail like him still being in love with his ex didn’t matter. Harry didn’t rub it in his face. He always showed how much he loved Caleb. How much their relationship mattered to him. But every time Caleb goes to one of One Direction concerts, and gets to be backstage, he just sees first hand how much Harry is still in love with Louis. How much Louis is still in love with Harry. It’s like no years have passed. Like Harry and Louis didn’t break up almost six years ago. Like baby Freddie isn’t three years old now. Every time he sees them interacting, he can’t help the spark of jealousy that flows through his veins. Harry is his, he knows that, but something about their little touches, about their private jokes right under his nose just makes him a little bit angry, a little bit insecure. He hates himself for it. He is a good guy. He is smart, successful, and he fucking loves Harry, but he just.. he just wants Harry all to himself. No sharing, no feelings to any exes, just to himself. He knows how idiotic that sounds. Knows that Harry isn’t a toy he owns, that it is just the irrational, emotional side of him taking over his sanity. 

That night, after the show, they went back to Caleb’s tiny place. The one that Harry practically lived in sense they got serious about their relationship. It’s nothing fancy, and it is all Caleb can afford, but it’s quite, and cozy, and far far away from where any pap will try to find them. (That was before Harry came out in a solo interview a few months ago where he admitted to having a boyfriend, of course). In there, he took all of those emotions out on Harry without actually speaking. He had Harry on his hands and knees and fucked him so rough and so hard even though he knew how much Harry hated that position. He just took all of his anger and jealousy out on Harry’s body, and if there were so many bruises and scratches on Harry’s back, then no one needed to know that they were not just the result of a little bit of a rough sex.  
*  
Harry stopped pretending that he and Louis were going to get back together almost four months after he met Caleb. Almost four months after they broke up. One night, he got so drunk he couldn’t walk properly. All he could think of was dialing Louis’ number. Telling him how sorry he was, how much of an idiot he is. Begging him to take him back. But even when he was that drunk, he knew he had nothing to say, no excuses to make what he did seem less idiotic, less.. self-centered. What was he going to say? “Hey love, sorry I broke up with you because I couldn’t pressure you out of the closet then letting some random dude suck my dick two hours later. Would you take me back?” So what he does of course, is go to Caleb’s place, stand at his door, tells him that “yes, I would like us to be official boyfriends”, and then let Caleb fuck his brains out for the first time. From that night, he knew there was no going back. He and Caleb were official. They met each other’s families. Harry met Caleb’s friends, which apparently was a bigger deal for Caleb than for Harry meeting his family, and Caleb went to so many One Direction concerts he lost track. From that night, harry swore to himself that he would be the most faithful of boyfriends, but he never could stop his mind from wandering to Louis. He never could stop his heart from skipping a beat whenever Louis laughed that ridiculously high laugh of his. And he most certainly never stopped loving him. But trust him, he was the most faithful of boyfriends.  
*  
Harry woke up to the sunlight entering through the windows. He groaned because whatever hour it was, it was way to early for him to be waking up. He untangled himself from Caleb’s arm that was thrown over his torso. But, wait a second. When did Caleb get so many tattoos? Panic started running through his veins as last night’s memories came rushing through his mind. He felt his heart beat getting higher. He slept with Louis last night. That wasn’t a dream. He actually slept with him. He fucking remembers that late night writing session, they were at Louis’ place with Liam and Julian and a few others. But as it became a late hour, everyone left, and there he was, all alone with Louis. He crossed the one line he vowed to himself he wouldn’t cross. Choosing to physically cheat on Caleb. He knew he couldn’t change how he felt, but he fucking could control himself from being a cheater. He got up from the bed so quickly causing Louis to stir and groan in his sleep. “H. you leaving?” his voice was so rough from sleep. Harry chest tightened. He loves him. He fucking loves him, and God, did he miss that scruffy, sleep-filled voice. “Yeah, don’t think I should stay”. His stomach dropped when he saw the look in Louis’ face. He could read what Louis was thinking. He wanted to scream, “no, you’re not just a one-night fuck for me” but he couldn’t. He shouldn’t have done this, and he most certainly shouldn’t stay here and make it even worse. He got out after hastily putting his cloths on. Phone in hand. It was almost noon, so Caleb must’ve been done with his last final. He went to Caleb’s place; I’m going home, he thought to himself, he made Caleb’s favorite Pasta dish for lunch, and waited. He should tell Caleb everything, shouldn’t he? He’s not about to be this cheating jerk that doesn’t care about anyone but himself.

*  
Two years later, Harry was in the chairs, cheering when he heard Caleb’s name among the list of graduates. He never ended up telling him about what happened with Louis. Because what happened opened Harry’s eyes to a very crucial fact, somewhere along the line, he fell out of love with Louis. And now even though Louis wasn’t his, and that Louis was a father to five-year-old Freddie and a fiancé to Danielle, he wasn’t bothered, what Louis wasn’t, is anything more than a band mate and a very close friend of Harry’s. And now, after all those years, Harry was finally happy with Caleb. He was sated and satisfied, and most importantly, in love. And if he had a silver engagement ring in his pocket he planned to give Caleb tonight, then it was a story for another day.


End file.
